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Biker Humour
Know Any Good Biker Jokes? Send 'em
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SNEAKY HUSBAND.
Dave
works hard at the plant & spends most of his evenings riding his scoot with
the boys. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his
birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them & says "Hey Dave, how ya doin'?" His wife
is puzzled & asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh No," says Dave. "He
works at the plant."
When
they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His
wife is becoming uncomfortable & says, "you must come here a lot for that
woman to know you drink Budweiser.
"No honey, she works at the plant, too."
A
stripper comes over to their table & throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey,"
she says. "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her
purse & storms out of the club.
Dave
follows & spots her getting into a cab. Before she slams the door, he jumps
in beside her & she starts screaming at him.
The
cabby turns his head & says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight,
Dave."
DENNY DAWG
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A ten-year-old boy was walking down the street
when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up behind him and asks, "Hey kid,
wanna go for a ride?"
"No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up to
him again and says,
"Hey kid,
I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back.
"NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The
motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "OK kid, I'll give you $20
and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."
At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily,
"Look Dad,
YOU bought the Honda, so you ride it!"
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The biker walks a woman to the door after their
first date. He asks her if she has had a good time.
She tells him yes, but
to get her really horny, she likes her men to be rough, tough, and selfish.
So, the next day he picks her up for their evening out, he's dressed in his
black leathers.
He grabs her, throws her on the back of his Hog, and away
they go to the nearest biker bar.
They spend the evening drinking and
raising hell. Later, when they arrive back at her house, he drags her up to
the bedroom and asks, "Well, was I rough enough?" "Yes," she purrs, and rubs
herself suggestively.
"And, was I tough enough?" he ventures. "Oh, yes," she
moans. "Well then, its time to be selfish," he says, and then begins jerking
off.
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The Inventor and God
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang
out in Heaven with anyone you want."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles,
eh?!
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke.
"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman???" God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!"
"Hmmmm, you have some good points there..." replied God.
"It may be true that my invention is flawed, but according to my calculations,
more men are riding my invention than yours!"
Anemal/Suffolk Soc Sec 4 FreeBird MCC FJ1200 |
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A little old lady wanted to join a
biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy,
bearded biker with tattoos all over his
arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker
requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day
and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the
Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've
been swung around by my nipples a few times."
From Terry (a.k.a. The Sleazy Rider) @ The Nut Farm |
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A biker walked into the local barber shop and ask the old barber if he had anything for baldness.
"I sure do." replied the old barber, without lookin' up from his work, as he clipped away at the man's hair who was sittin' in the barber's chair.
The biker waits a few seconds for the barber to tell him the cure, but the old man just continues his work. "Well ye old gesser, are you gonna' tell me what it is?" The biker ask impatiently.
The old barber finally looks up to see who was speaking to him. "Yeah, I can tell you young feller, but you ain't gonna' believe me when I do".
"Well, you old fucker, you ain't gonna' know until you tell me." The biker was starting to get pissed off.
"Ok young feller. I'll let you in on my little secret. The sure fire cure for your baldness is pussy juice." The old man said with a smile.
The biker busted out with laughter. "why you old son of a bitch, you're even balder than I am."
"Yup, dats true young feller. But now you gotta' admit, I got one hell of a nice mustache."DENNY DAWG |
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Why did the biker put a used tampon on his helmet? To remind him of the cunt that stole his Harley.
Biker Amy |
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Three men sat at bar, a lawyer, a doctor & a biker. The lawyer said - "Last night I licked my wife all over and she got so excited that she felt like she was floating" The doctor said - "Last night as I fingered my wife she got so excited that her body actually rose off the bed" The biker said "Last night I fucked my wife hard up the ass then I jumped up and wiped my dick on the curtains and my wife............Hit The Roof! |
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Two bikers are pulled up at a stop sign. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting by.
He pulls the bike to the side of the road, gets off, stands by its side, takes off his helmet, and bows his head. The procession passes by the intersection and the biker puts on his helmet, gets back on the bike, and starts it up.
The other biker comes over and says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first biker responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years." |
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An expert on the supernatural is giving a Halloween lecture on ghosts at a large municipal auditorium.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 people raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 people raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 people raise their hands.
Next he asks, "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" And three people raise their hands.
"That's
fantastic. Now let me ask you one further question
... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
Way in the back, this biker named Snake raises his hand.
The expert takes off his glasses, and says, "Sir, in all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The big biker gets out of his seat and with a nod and a grin, begins to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the expert says, "Now, sir, please tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
And the biker replied, "Ghosts? Shit!!! From way back there I thought you said, 'Goats'!!" |
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Next
Page of Biker Humour
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Motorcycle Riders Ride to Live -
Bikers Live to Ride |
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