A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.

This fellow named Sam has been wrenching and riding Harleys for 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em.  He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the mountains--as far from humanity as possible. 

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. 

Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, Sam is finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door.  he opens it and there's a big, bearded dude standing there.  "Name's Enoch...your neighbour from four miles over the ridge...having' a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," Sam says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks.  Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinking'."
"Not a problem...after 25 years of Harley riding', I can do that with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops.  "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too."
"Damn!" Sam thinks, "tough crowd...sounds like the Redwood Run." 

"Well," he says, "I get along with people.  I'll be there.  Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door.  "I've seen some wild sex at these parties too."
"Now that is not a problem," says Sam, "remember, I've been alone for six months.  I'll definitely be there! By the way...what time should I get to the party?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whenever you want...it's just gonna be the two of us."  

When I was young I used to pray for a Harley.

Then I realised that God doesn't work that way.

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen.

The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear.

The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage to his motorcycle.

He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette.

After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.

She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor.

His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering from "serious" burns in some strategic areas.

The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife again met them at the street.

The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.

He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.

A biker rolls to a stop at a busy down town intersection.

As he sits there waiting for the light to change, a young man with multi-colored 10" spiked hair walks in front of the biker.

The biker's gaze follows the lad until finally he stops and says to the biker

"What's the matter man, ain't you never done anything crazy in your life"?

To which the biker responds ...

"Yep, I was just thinking, I screwed a peacock about 20 years ago and I was wondering if you might be my son."

A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and, upon clearing his throat, asked,